As promised...a follow-up after meeting my new Psychologist for the first time!
I'm thrilled to let everyone know that I really like my new doctor and felt that all important "click" right away. It was as if it was meant to be...easy to talk to, but at the same time it really seemed like he truly cared and he gave me great feedback and we actually have a plan! I've never really participated in intense psychotherapy (talk therapy) before, and I'm looking forward to it...although it's also somewhat scary, I'm certain it won't be easy and I know I will have A LOT of work to do between appointments.
One of the most ironic things is that he is located at the Morgantown Pastoral Psychological Center..so, I really didn't know what his approach would be and I was quite hesitant and nervous. But, I put my faith in the Lord and wow, I was so amazed...with the doctor of course, but more importantly with how God provided him to me. It was through some pretty miraculous means that I ended up even knowing he existed.
I've also been trying to work through some of the depression I've been struggling with..doing more around the house, walking the dogs (or rather them walking me)..still a work in progress, but it's a start and that's a great thing.
Preparing for Jordan's departure on Wed. We leave for Williamstown tomorrow to spend the evening with him and then go to his departure ceremony on Wed. morning. Fortunately I see my new doctor the day after, so I'm hoping and praying that with his help and the help of my family and friends I'll be able to keep from back-sliding too much. Grief and stress play such a huge role in Bipolar Disorder..so I will need to be very aware!
Will check back in after Wed. Hope everyone stays healthy..mentally and physically!!
God Bless,
Shawn
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tough Times!
Once again I have neglected this page for far too long...seems to be a pattern that I'm hoping to break.
The past month has been tough to say the least. Right now I feel like I'm in a pretty deep depression and I'm having a hard time shaking it off. It's hard to explain to people who have never experienced depression at that level, or Bipolar symptoms. It's as if my inside is shattering like a crack in a windshield that keeps getting bigger and bigger with every bump I hit...same with life.
I have had to change doctors, which is so stressful. My last new psychiatrist that took the place of my doctor who moved away let us know that he didn't "believe" in ECT treatments and, as a result, wouldn't write prescriptions for them. It seems, in the medical world, that there is a clear divide....psychiatrists either believe strongly in ECT, or they don't believe or support it at all. Of course thats really all that has worked for me, so it was imperative that I find a doctor that believed in the one treatment that helps stabalize me. I would suggest to everyone out there...don't give up searching..ask LOTS of questions and you will find a doctor that is a "fit" for you and your condition.
To make matters worse we were snowed-in here in Kingwood for over a month and that made travelling to my psychologist impossible for several weeks. And, the last time I met with her one-on-one she seemed "checked-out"...as if her mind was not with me. It was so hard to sit there and try to talk to her when I felt like she wasn't listening/hearing anything I was saying. The group sessions have really turned into chat-fests, which I like to an extent, but not driving an hour and half each way to spend two hours "catching up." So, the search was on for a new psychologist which I so desperately need.
I found a couple and today I will see one of them and hopefully it will be a fit...there is so much happening right now I feel like I really need to be talking to a professional on a regular basis. I can talk to Charlie and of course my family and they help in so many ways, but they are not "trained" in the field. Sometimes you can't just "shake it off" or "stop worrying, it will be alright" or "think about all the good things"....you get the idea.
Right now it's literally a struggle for me to get off the sofa and go brush my teeth, which is so hard to admit to, but I promised to be honest in this blog and there it is. A shower is a chore. Tears flow, and flow, and flow. I feel tremendous amount of guilt right now and sorrow...and shame. Bad combination to say the least.
Of course Jordan is preparing to leave on March 31st for Ft. Hood Texas and then off to Afghanistan and that is hitting me like a ton of bricks. Of course I'm worried about his safety, but I'm also worried about not having him to reach out to when I need to hear his voice or to make me laugh. Regardless of how I'm feeling, he has always been able to make me laugh. And, he's brutally honest. Emphasis on BRUTAL!
So, currently, in addition to looking for doctors and waiting, waiting, waiting on appointments, I have been trying to think about what makes me "happy," and what I "enjoy." Unfortunately the list is short right now and I know that is not normal for me....so, it's time to get some serious help.
Wish me luck! I will check back in after my 1st meeting with the new doctor today.
God Bless,
Shawn
The past month has been tough to say the least. Right now I feel like I'm in a pretty deep depression and I'm having a hard time shaking it off. It's hard to explain to people who have never experienced depression at that level, or Bipolar symptoms. It's as if my inside is shattering like a crack in a windshield that keeps getting bigger and bigger with every bump I hit...same with life.
I have had to change doctors, which is so stressful. My last new psychiatrist that took the place of my doctor who moved away let us know that he didn't "believe" in ECT treatments and, as a result, wouldn't write prescriptions for them. It seems, in the medical world, that there is a clear divide....psychiatrists either believe strongly in ECT, or they don't believe or support it at all. Of course thats really all that has worked for me, so it was imperative that I find a doctor that believed in the one treatment that helps stabalize me. I would suggest to everyone out there...don't give up searching..ask LOTS of questions and you will find a doctor that is a "fit" for you and your condition.
To make matters worse we were snowed-in here in Kingwood for over a month and that made travelling to my psychologist impossible for several weeks. And, the last time I met with her one-on-one she seemed "checked-out"...as if her mind was not with me. It was so hard to sit there and try to talk to her when I felt like she wasn't listening/hearing anything I was saying. The group sessions have really turned into chat-fests, which I like to an extent, but not driving an hour and half each way to spend two hours "catching up." So, the search was on for a new psychologist which I so desperately need.
I found a couple and today I will see one of them and hopefully it will be a fit...there is so much happening right now I feel like I really need to be talking to a professional on a regular basis. I can talk to Charlie and of course my family and they help in so many ways, but they are not "trained" in the field. Sometimes you can't just "shake it off" or "stop worrying, it will be alright" or "think about all the good things"....you get the idea.
Right now it's literally a struggle for me to get off the sofa and go brush my teeth, which is so hard to admit to, but I promised to be honest in this blog and there it is. A shower is a chore. Tears flow, and flow, and flow. I feel tremendous amount of guilt right now and sorrow...and shame. Bad combination to say the least.
Of course Jordan is preparing to leave on March 31st for Ft. Hood Texas and then off to Afghanistan and that is hitting me like a ton of bricks. Of course I'm worried about his safety, but I'm also worried about not having him to reach out to when I need to hear his voice or to make me laugh. Regardless of how I'm feeling, he has always been able to make me laugh. And, he's brutally honest. Emphasis on BRUTAL!
So, currently, in addition to looking for doctors and waiting, waiting, waiting on appointments, I have been trying to think about what makes me "happy," and what I "enjoy." Unfortunately the list is short right now and I know that is not normal for me....so, it's time to get some serious help.
Wish me luck! I will check back in after my 1st meeting with the new doctor today.
God Bless,
Shawn
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